ugh :/

i'm so mad. my self control is at one of its highest points and all i can do is gain, gain, gain.
its my stupid period, but still? i can't handle this for much longer. like honestly, if it doesn't come tomorrow i might have a breakdown. when i get my period cravings, i crave liquid like crazy but i can't drink liquid because it bloats me and i feel horrible about myself.
i honestly look like i'm at one of my thinnest points but somehow the scale wont shut up.
okay, idea.
i will hide my scale after tomorrow morning UNTIL i get my period.
i know that weighing every morning is what helps keep me on track with eating but i cannot handle waking up with that insane water weight and wanting to kick myself.
blah, blah, blaaaaaaaaaah body, stop bloating please?
i hate you, PERIOD! I HATE YOU!
i binged and purged today, but i regreted it alot.
the food was tasteless and impossible to purge.
i wont be doing that again any time soon.

i got out of dinner.
"i don't feel well" after two bites. thats good, i'd weigh like 125 if i ate.

okay here's my stats that i remember from recent times:
i'm 5'6
begining of summer 08- 136
end of summer 08- 126
christmas- 125-7
new years- 126
tuesday january 20th-118
this morning- 119.4
right now-121.4

I HATE LIQUIDS
i didn't even really eat today, man.