purity

is there any other way to do it?

i hate the way i'm feeling.

i'm so on the edge, ready to plunge head first if only my body would allow it.

why are you being so unresponsive, body?

i hate you.

i always, always have.

i got some comments today.
finally?

i mean i get things from my girls all the time but here's a few:

mom-

"wow, keish you're looking pretty skinny.

i mean your arms are tiny and your legs...

well those are legs i'd love to have."

this is a big thing, bc for those of you that don't know,
my mom HATES fat people.

she hates fat in general,

but its never something she's had to struggle with.

she couldn't be fat if she tried.

i wish i was as skinny as she made me sound.

i just went off on some rant about how bloated i am
and how i eat like a cow.

some girls in marketing:

m- oh my gosh, girl your legs are tiny.

a- geesh! yeah, they're like... so small.

me- no, haha i freaking wish, i'm like bulging out of life right now.

then one of them took me aside and was like

"k, if you really think you're fat... you're not i promise.

not at all."

i just kinda sidetracked into something else.

i wish they would call me out on it when i was like actually...

skinny.

my boyfriend loves it though.

don't get me wrong, he'd love me at 180 pounds but
he just loves the bones and the confidence and the restraint.

he was a wrestler so he's understanding i guess.

he's a huge sweetheart, i adore him.