full force

up until now, i've been so good at keeping my weight loss a seperate part of my life.
aside from a few comments and one very close friend i've kept it out of my social life.
i can't stand this anymore, i try to so hard.
yesterday, all i ate was a sugar free rockstar and some pretzels and i gained a pound?
this is bullshit i'm sick of this.
i don't even want to live anymore. i want it to go away.
i want to be alive but i don't want a life if i can't be thin in that life.
its not fair.
this is going up full force until i reach 116.
i need to be there and i don't care who sees it or not, i need to see it on me.